I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
