go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
