I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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