I think I am morally bankrupt
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
