For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
