Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
