You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
