i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
