I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Text me some of your sweat
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
