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its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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