so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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