Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
