wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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