You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize