Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
