yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
