i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
