If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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