My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My liver is preforming stress tests.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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