I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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