I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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