you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
