The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
