Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
