Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
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My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
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Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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