TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
