I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
