Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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