You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
