My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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