The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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