it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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