Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
