this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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