you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
