he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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