Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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