..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Come share oat with me in your robe
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
