Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
