mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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