my vag is so smooth its legendary
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
