we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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