hotel room ftw
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
