That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
