No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
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