god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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