On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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