Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I can't turn off my feet"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
