Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
