hell yes lets make some ravioli
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
