guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
