ugly people sure do ruin things
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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