I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
