Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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