Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
