I just cut my nipple shaving
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
