bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
