the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
