maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
