You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
