I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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