when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
