Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
