I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
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sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
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No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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