She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
