worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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