I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
