I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize