Texts From Last Night

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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?

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  (337): Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am? http://tfl.nu/uaqy
  Replies (11) Good night (3974) Bad night (965)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.

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  (417): My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah. http://tfl.nu/uiae
  Replies (12) Good night (4457) Bad night (1360)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.

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  (203): Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that. http://tfl.nu/1tq2
  Replies (39) Good night (3450) Bad night (5533)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.

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  (207): He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ. http://tfl.nu/rtl1
  Replies (25) Good night (9481) Bad night (968)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster

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  (701): So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster http://tfl.nu/imtg
  Replies (13) Good night (1014) Bad night (3467)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating

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  (603): He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating http://tfl.nu/fvws
  Replies (10) Good night (3365) Bad night (963)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.

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  (937): Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule. http://tfl.nu/t3gw
  Replies (6) Good night (1420) Bad night (591)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.

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  (865): If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan. http://tfl.nu/8pg6
  Replies (4) Good night (942) Bad night (597)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.

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  (405): It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion. http://tfl.nu/3wue
  Replies (2) Good night (906) Bad night (525)
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  (310): View more from California

  Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul

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  (310): Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul http://tfl.nu/k128
  Replies (4) Good night (622) Bad night (540)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified

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  (812): She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified http://tfl.nu/xfst
  Replies (9) Good night (1329) Bad night (724)
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  (347): View more from New York

  Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.

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  (347): Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds. http://tfl.nu/v5xi
  Replies (10) Good night (894) Bad night (373)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.

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  (732): She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked. http://tfl.nu/ufw5
  Replies (3) Good night (1299) Bad night (326)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.

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  (251): Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk. http://tfl.nu/ul5p
  Replies (0) Good night (253) Bad night (369)
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  (716): View more from New York

  He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.

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  (716): He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do. http://tfl.nu/0qz8
  Replies (3) Good night (484) Bad night (396)

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