Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine

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(248): i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine http://tfl.nu/gbjn

Replies (4) Good night (1351) Bad night (523)
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(516): View more from New York

Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.

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(516): Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city. http://tfl.nu/k96c

Replies (14) Good night (1263) Bad night (583)
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(514): View more from Quebec

i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."

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(514): i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty." http://tfl.nu/ecou

Replies (15) Good night (4798) Bad night (910)
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(360): View more from Washington

afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.

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(360): afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep. http://tfl.nu/xylt

Replies (52) Good night (1573) Bad night (8086)
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(440): View more from Ohio

I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog

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(440): I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog http://tfl.nu/h88l

Replies (23) Good night (715) Bad night (4081)
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(501): View more from Arkansas

As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.

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(501): As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story. http://tfl.nu/lu21

Replies (2) Good night (903) Bad night (2253)
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(206): View more from Washington

do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"

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(206): do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP" http://tfl.nu/bthl

Replies (20) Good night (3744) Bad night (1258)
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(949): View more from California

In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.

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(949): In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor. http://tfl.nu/vpx7

Replies (33) Good night (6346) Bad night (2150)
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(940): View more from Texas

She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.

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(940): She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job. http://tfl.nu/x6ef

Replies (3) Good night (1593) Bad night (471)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.

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(403): I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here. http://tfl.nu/2ffm

Replies (4) Good night (1142) Bad night (438)
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(630): View more from Illinois

Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual

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(630): Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual http://tfl.nu/4rhk

Replies (1) Good night (826) Bad night (365)
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(626): View more from California

Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why

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(626): Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why http://tfl.nu/74jl

Replies (4) Good night (1273) Bad night (263)
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(440): View more from Ohio

its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice

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(440): its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice http://tfl.nu/6xmq

Replies (0) Good night (513) Bad night (307)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..

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(978): I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it.. http://tfl.nu/ofn7

Replies (2) Good night (451) Bad night (198)
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(718): View more from New York

He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.

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(718): He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more. http://tfl.nu/sjjx

Replies (0) Good night (305) Bad night (174)

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