he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.