eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
