last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..