I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
